I find myself very fulfilled lately as my personal life goals are fruitful lately.  I am coordinating a ceremony for a friend expecting her baby in a month,  a ceremony for a young lady who recently turned 18 and planning to facilitate my very first retreat in November.  I’ve been apprenticing for the past 8 years with my amazing mentor, Glenda, who can be found at The Fellowship of Comparative Religion’s website www.towardcommonground.org.  She said I am ready for my own retreat and I’ve learned that when an elder tells you you are ready, you are.  It’s been so nice to be able to sit down on my laptop and start writing away with emails and ideas for these various activities and actually be able to accomplish something while the boys play away.

It’s meant so much to me to be able to accomplish something.  Household chores are important and of course raising the boys is as well.  The time that I spend with them reading stories or looking at pictures, answering questions or showing them new scenarios for playing is incredibly important and fulfilling. But I have been longing to accomplish goals for me, things that fulfilled me with a more immediate end in sight then 17 years from now. And here I am.

So for all the other twin parents out there, those in the pregnancy or with infants, fear not. It does get easier and easier and by 3.5 they are playing with each other so well that you might even get an entire hour to yourself!

I don’t understand why it’s a nature “versus” anything at all. My three year olds can navigate an iPhone like the best adult Apple fan and would rather practice their letters on the computer then a chalk board. But they also love nature, love to be outside. As much as a part of me wants to pack us up and move into the woods, we’ve made the choice to live in the middle of suburbia. Forest and Logan at 3 years old can identify some urban trees, plants and birds because I’ve made the point to tell them when we are outside riding bikes, playing at the playground, etc. Who knows if they will develop an affinity for learning about the outside world at a young age or like me only love nature until they get older and then realize they want to KNOW about it. I see it as my job as a parent to give them opportunities in all worlds, and to let them develop their own interests. Using an example from the article, my kids don’t want to press flowers either, but they sure do love to just be outside, and that is what matters. That they aren’t spending 24/7 indoors, on computers, in front of the tv. Let kids do what they enjoy outdoors: play sports, play on the playground, swim, read, write, draw. As long as they are outside their own interests will develop and they will get the benefit of new experiences, new stimuli that can only be offered by being outdoors. My eyesight improved when I quit working and started staying home with the boys because I was no longer stressing my eyes with computers, no longer only looking at things close up. Being outside and looking farther away improved my vision. I like to show the boys how interconnected life is while we are outside, I think that this will give them a sense of stewardship for the land as well as remind them to be tolerant and compassionate. Being outside is good for you on so many levels. But they’ve also learned a lot from the teachings I’ve found on websites about the outside world. It’s all a balance.

As often seems to happen in our society, things are pitted against each other in an “or” fashion instead of experienced as an “and”. I appreciate the article that led me to write this for wanting to take away some of the guilt that parents put themselves through. We live in a time when there are a lot of “or” decisions that have to be made about how we spend our time and there is a lot of guilt associated with the things that we don’t do. But this is very much self imposed and we need to change the way we think in order to remove all this guilt that we torture ourselves with. We need to remember that we have choices and that often the choice we do make is no better or worse then the one we didn’t make. Our family doesn’t live in the woods because we’ve chosen certain careers. We don’t have two cars because we’ve chosen to spend our money traveling more then we would be able to if we had a new car payment. We choose to take the boys to McDonald’s for hamburgers sometimes because it’s easy and fun. Choices.

We need to be more compassionate with ourselves about our choices so that we can in turn be compassionate to others about theirs. Try it this weekend. Don’t think so much and so hard. Don’t analyze as much. Just go with a choice, forgive yourself for not the other choice and live the life in front of you instead of the life that could have been. I think that’s one of the meanings for that phrase, “Choose Life”. You are empowered by life, not chained to it. Know that you have the choice and make wise decisions. Watch a tv show or play a video game as a family and then go outside and throw a ball or wash the car together. Choose balance, choose life.

As we drove home I started telling them about how before they were born people didn’t think much about what they did effecting the Earth and the day was created to help bring people’s attention to being better stewards, to recycling, reducing waste and reusing. I was completely caught off guard by how this conversation effected me as huge tears started to roll out of my eyes and my voice choked with emotion. Thinking about how we do try to make every day Earth day in our home but that it’s a constant process and we fall short often. Thinking about the boys’ future and praying that it doesn’t need an Earth Day because human kind is evolved enough to “get it” by their adulthood. That’s one of the reasons I had children, because they give hope to me, to the world.

While I’m not a fan of gimmicks and couldn’t help wondering about all the ways that very grocery store and myself harm the Earth with bad choices, today’s conversation with the boys gave me renewed vision towards a goal for our future. Renewed my baby step goals that I know add up to great things in the long run. I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions but I’ve found myself setting goals this year related to being a better steward. Producing less trash, buying local produce, meat, eggs, milk, creating my own garden, repurposing clothes. I pray that the boys grow up in a world where we all think about our actions and how they make a difference and influence these little people to always live like this without having to change their patterns.

I’d read some mentions to people using the “pacifier fairy” as a means to the end and thought we’d give it a try. Like the tooth fairy, the pacifier fairy takes the pacifier(s) (passing them on to new babies) and leaves a toy in it’s/their place. So I mentioned this to Forest a couple times and he cutely changed the name from pacifier fairy to pacifier angel. Who am I to know the difference? On New Years Day we mentioned it several times to Forest and he agreed that he was ready to do it that night. During a grocery store trip I picked up a neat toy for him and at some point I realized we should do a bit of a ceremony to help him understand what it was all about.

That night Green Daddy, Orange Daddy, Forest and Logan and I gathered in the living room. Green Daddy placed two of their old bibs that I had as keepsakes into a basket to represent them growing out of that stage. Then Logan placed in a diaper representing his willingness to give up diapers and start potty training soon. Then Forest placed his pacifier in the basket. We rattled their silver baby rattles and they each were given feathers in place of the diaper and pacifier.

At bedtime we realized that Forest thought he’d be able to give up one of his two pacis and get a present. Didn’t want to admit that it meant giving them both up. After he fell asleep, Brad and I discussed it and decided to go for it anyway. Both were put away for emergency (Daddy’s a softy) and the new toy was left out in it’s place. Forest woke in the morning missing his paci and wondering where the toy was. After I showed it to him he was distracted for a few hours. I told him to come and give me big hugs when he got sad and missing it. We had a few hugs that day but he was able to get a nap and to bed that night without any misadventures. We are now on day three and he hasn’t asked for it all day. Not even for his nap.

I think we got lucky on the timing but I’m happy to say that we are now a pacifier free household. Whew!

We had a beautiful Christmas with family visits and adventures. But I think that my favorite memories of this year are based on how the boys are starting to learn our cultural and family traditions around Christmas and their excitement and enjoyment of it all. We drove around a couple nights looking at homes decorated with lights, the boys were enchanted. They were excited to put up the tree and loved hearing stories about Baby Jesus, They couldn’t stop waving at and shouting “Hi!” when we saw Santa in Petsmart taking pictures with pets. Their brilliant joy shines through my soul and fills me with such warmth and comfort. Christmas is not only for the young, it is also for those who are blessed to be in their sphere of influence and feel their hugs.

Brad, Dusty and I find ourselves trying to understand some of these ancient rhymes. What is the context of this word or that and why doesn’t this one rhyme but that one does? Or why are some songs as well, but others aren’t? I always sing the ones that I know tunes to and find myself making up tunes for others.

It’s one more of those neat things about being a parent for the first time. Tapping into my own memories of childhood and realizing how many of those old rhymes and songs I know and how some have always made me feel happy. I feel myself connected back in time to all the generations who have come before saying these rhymes who’s language is so old, we don’t understand the context any longer. The mother that rhymed to her son about his father coming in from the fishing boats at the end of the day with their food, or the father who rhymed to his baby while the mother was out grinding the wheat for bread. I found a website that wrote about how many of these nursery rhymes date from around the 1600 and 1700’s. Some are political in nature and others, we’ll never know. For example, Jack and Jill refers to King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette’s beheading. I won’t tell you any more and ruin them for you.

Three to four hundred years old, wow. That’s a lot of Mommas to be connected with in such a direct way. I love tradition and the beauty of connections so this really speaks to me, literally and figuratively.

The boys want to do everything on their own. And they are getting good at it too. I’ve learned to let them and even encourage them, which I have to admit was a hard transition after 24 months of doing it all for them. They make sandwiches, pour drinks, drink out of “big boy” cups, take off and put on their own clothes (kinda). But at the same time, they still want to be my babies. They want to have every boo-boo kissed (I love doing this), be picked up constantly (are you kidding me?! especially when it’s both at the same time), and otherwise be catered to as if they didn’t know any better. They have also begun telling me “no!” when I ask them to pick something up. They listen better and yet less, all at the same time. They are fighting as much as they are loving each other which now includes biting, hitting and any form of physical combating available. There are obvious signs that Forest deliberately does things to agitate Logan. Logan does it to Forest but not as much or often. Despite being the physically bigger kid, Logan is a bit of a whiner. They now take an hour or more to fall asleep at night after being such great kids about going to bed at night. I even shortened their nap, but it didn’t fix much. They play with their food a lot more and make bigger messes at the table. I regularly wonder how I’m going to get through the day without loosing my mind with all the screaming and whining that’s going on around me. The outdoors usually helps, but we’ve even entered days when they just take all of that outside and I worry that the neighbors are going to call the cops on us.

Like all stages, it just doesn’t make much sense when people talk about it until you get there. I don’t know that I’d call this age terrible, but frustrating, exhausting and otherwise a challenge to my sanity – YES.

My old friend from high school said to me the other day something like, “you seem to be enjoying motherhood” and I replied back something like, “No I’m not.” I’m sure I was being like 80% of most parents going through this “stage”. And I felt like it was time to remind people who only know me from this blog or who only keep up with me here, there are unreasonably bad days and there are ecstatic good days. But I’m not going to write about all the bad days for the grandparents and their friends to read about. I can’t give them that satisfaction of knowing that their parental curse worked. I’m just kidding, Mom. Well, mostly.

One tradition that we agreed to before the boys were born was to always spend Christmas as a family together including all three of us coparents.  Because we get along so well, we would rather all three share Christmas with the boys instead of having to divide the holiday up.  Of course there may come special family trips in the future but for the most part, if our families want to see the boys on Christmas day, they will have to either travel here to our home or invite all three parents to theirs.

A tradition that Brad and I started for ourselves last year is bagels and lox for Christmas breakfast.  For some reason there is something about that meal that makes me feel like I’m on vacation and since the local New York deli is open on Christmas morning, what a perfect tradition.  Oh, and potatoe latkes with sour cream.  MMmmm

This year was my first opportunity to really do stockings right for the boys.  Last year there just wasn’t much that would fit well because of they were still putting everything into their mouths.  This year I had a field day in Target’s dollar section over the past few months.  That and we finally broke down and gave them candy so they will get a few chocolates as well.

We’ve had several conversations about Santa Claus around our house.  All three of us parents have agreed that we’ll introduce the boys to Santa and such but won’t go to great lengths to maintain his existance.  If they ask, we’ll be honest and talk about him as representing the spirit of giving.  Yeah, we’ll pry be the parents who’s kids tell your kids that Santa isn’t real.  And being huge fans of mythology and religious studies , our kids will know the origins of Santa Claus and probably also be the ones telling other kids that the three wise men wouldn’t really have been in the manger scene either.  I’d like to think the boys will even know to tell people that the wise men were probably Zorastrians.  Talk about bonus points for our geekiness.  There is a fine line between mythology and magic and I think that you can have both simply by having faith in God.

We’ve enjoyed introducing the entire Christmas cast of characters this year: the Christmas tree, the star on top of the tree, Reindeer, Santa, snowmen, wrapped gifts, stockings hung on the fireplace.  The boys hear me singing carols constantly and Forest even joined in “la la la” with Deck the Halls the other day in the car.  I love how easily they soak in the traditions and characters.

We haven’t joined a church family here in Austin yet so church traditions are yet to be set.  But we did buy the boys their first book telling the story of Baby Jesus and it’s sweet to see them pointing at the baby in the manger and teaching them that his name is Jesus, his Mommy is Mary.  Start simple I say.  Big concepts to come in the future.  I’d also like to introduce the boys to Chanukah so if any of my Jewish friends have a good board book recommendation, please comment.  Again, we are inclusive instead of specific about our religious beliefs and plan to expose the boys to many traditions and beliefs as they grow up.

Christmas cookie baking is also one of my traditions from childhood that I am going to stand firm on keeping with the boys.  Christmas eve we’ll be cutting out shaped sugar cookies and decorating them with sprinkles and frosting.  Pictures will follow of that!

What traditions have you as parents created in your family?  What comes from your childhood and what is new?