Always Going Forward
The other day I had a funny memory from the first few months of motherhood and nursing twins. Yes, it was just last year although it seems like a lifetime ago. While in the hospital after the boys were born, I asked for the lactation consultant to come by and make sure that we were doing things right. One came by and mentioned that one of the other L.C’s on staff had twins herself and might have some tips. So the next day I put in a call for a visit by her.
She took up the whole room with her very beingness. Not in a bad way, she just had a big personality. I liked her. She also assured me that things appeared to be going well and asked if I had a twin nursing pillow. I told her yes and described it and she laughed as she told me a funny story from her own experiences. She said that the song “Star Trecking” was popular when she had her girls and she used to feel like the Starship Enterprise, cruising through her house with this big pillow belted to her waist as she would nurse her twin girls and do various things.
A few months later I knew what she meant. I’d have one baby nursing and would find myself going to get the other one waking from a nap - while still nursing. As I would cruise up the mirrored hallway I’d see myself with this huge green pillow, baby on board, and I’d remember that image of being the Enterprise and I would start singing the song:
star trecking across the universe
on the starship enterprise
under captain kirk
star trecking across the universe
slowly going forward
coz we cant find reverse
It’s a fun memory. Especially because yesterday I gave away my nursing pillow. And you know what? It kinda hurts. I’m sad just typing it. I gave it to a first time mom who’s been taking fertility drugs in hopes of having a baby. She just found out she’s pregnant and when I asked in email if she was having twins she said “I can only hope.” In that one sentance she reminded me to be so very grateful instead of pissy about things. I often hear younger women say very romantically, “I always wanted twins” and I want to scream at them, “No you don’t!”. But yesterday I was reminded not only of that fun time with the song but also of the gratitude that I have for these two healthy, beautiful boys. And to continue praying for all the couples out there that want children of their own.
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Comments
I had to consult a fertility doc and was incredibly lucky to conceive a healthy little girl after only one round of first-line treatment. When I think back on all the stuff we had to go through — and we had it easy compared to many people — it’s a wonder we didn’t fall apart. It’s a difficult path to be sure.
I remember wishing for twins, and then after about two months with a newborn being grateful that, at the age of almost-38 with a husband of almost-50, I’d had a singleton. But…she was my only shot — I won’t have any more — and I still feel sad sometimes that she’ll be an only (or rather, effectively so, with a half-brother and sister 14 and 16 years older). And then feel guilty because, heavens, we are so blessed!!
I was sad when I took a bunch of Johanna’s baby stuff to resale. Her swing, which we used SO much. Her baby car-seat. Her baby gym. ~sigh~ It was very very bittersweet to see it all go.
Still, she is SO MUCH FUN now, and I wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world! I’ve been remarkably good about living moment to moment with her, cherishing the stage and age she’s at and not looking back or forward too much. It’s something I’ve never really been good at, but somehow with my child I’ve finally got the knack!
Good for you for nursing twins! I’ve heard women comment “how could i nurse, i had twins” I applaud you
I love remembering those types of memories (which is hard since we were so foggy from sleep deprivation!).
Good for you for passing along the pillow. I alwasy feel a bit guilty when talking to people going through fertility treatments because we were so fortunate to have two beautiful children when so many out there would be ecstatic with one.
Sweet post!