How Old Am I?
It seems like children are the only way that I can judge time sometimes. When I realize that the boys are a year and a half old. That Avery is 4 and a half. That my younger brother is turning 30 this year. That he has a teenage daughter. I know that I turned 35 a few months ago, but how old am I?
I find myself in situations with teenagers as an aunt or retreat facilitator. I remember so strongly the things that I remember, and yet I have forgotten so much. I feel empathy for their experiences but don’t know how to help them feel better about it other then to say, “I’ve been there.” Which I know is exactly what they don’t want to hear so I just say it in my mind. I don’t know any of the music that they listen to. I have satellite radio and listen to my favorite stations so current pop music is a complete blackhole to me. When did I become so uncool? Driving teenagers around and they listen to their iPods while I listen to my music. I always thought I was going to be the cool adult. Maybe I am since they wanted to ride with me.
I have moments when I get thrown off a little. Realizing that I’ve been married twice and divorced once. That I have kids. That I own a car that I picked out without just choosing whatever I could afford. That I had a professional career in Human Resources. These are all very adult things which must mean that I’m an adult. When did that happen?
For some reason my mind is moving forward and gaining knowledge and experience yet my ego puts my age somewhere closer to 25. I’ve recently discovered that I’m put off by products changing and companies offering new types of chips, candy bars, sodas. I said, “why can’t they just leave things that are good alone?” My very wise sage of a friend looked at me and when I saw her laughing eyes I realized how I sounded and admitted, “I sound old, don’t I?” So I’m trying not to be so judgmental of the new and am glad that I can at least identify when I am “doing that.”
So it’s odd being 35. Finding myself moving towards “old” stereotypes and yet confused that I’m not hip to the young crowd. Do they even still say “hip”? I’m sure my over use of “awesome” probably gives my real age away in seconds.
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