First time mom syndrome
I’m a first time mom. When I go to the park or a restaurant I can distinguish the more experienced moms easily from myself - they are much more relaxed about everything.
At the park I hover over the boys and follow their every move just in case… just in case I don’t know what, but just in case! I see that the other moms are standing around chatting and gossiping about this or that. I’m terrified to take my eyes off one of the boys. When I go on play dates (which I’ll admit have been few and far between for us because I’m obsessed with keeping to our schedule so that I have my alone time) I have to make an effort not to hover and worry about the boys messing with our hostess’ things. Same goes with when we visit family. I’m incapable of relaxing.
I get huge amounts of anxiety about going out to a restaurant with the boys. I don’t get to eat and it’s a ton of work. I have a feeling from looking at that mom across the way and how she’s just ignoring the chaos and enjoying her meal that she’s not a first timer. I see her three kids all over 4 and I hang my head in shame for being so obsessed.
But then again, maybe it is because her kids are all over four. Maybe that’s why those mom’s at the park can chat, because their children aren’t under two years old. Maybe it’s not because I’m a first timer, but because I’m still in that early world. As much as they may be toddlers to me, they are still kinda in transition and need momma close by - just in case.
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Comments
Honey. Not only are you a first time mom, but you got two at once! You have to be twice as alert and twice as obsessed. ;) But of course, you also get twice the love. That’s pretty amazing.
There is no set time on when it comes…… it just does! And one day, you’re at the restaurant and your children are eating and playing with their toys, and you were able to finish your meal before it became cold. Baby steps…. It does come from you learning their cries, personalities, etc., and it comes from them getting older. I absolutely love where I am now! But, as I like to say… “I put in my time”! You will get there too, just hang in there and remember that we were all there at one point too. I also need to agree with the first comment… If your kids are just fussing, stay at the restaurant, they will learn that environment faster if you do. I spent many a dinners with the in-laws in the bathroom with a child getting them to behave. Again, just takes time!
Girl, I’m going to tell you a secret, As a mom of 5 ranging in ages 15 months to 7 years old I have learnt that you have to relax. Even when you don’t think you can. Start out small. Start at home. Little things like going into another room, and letting them play unattended for a bit. When they start fighting and screaming bloody murder. Listen. Let your mom gut tell you if it is something serious or something minor. You know a fight over a toy has a different cry than a fallen child. Then venture out with your husband. Let him do the watching while you take a book, and relax and read for a bit. Then you switch. Before you know it…you’ll be able to really let go and truelly enjoy your time out with them, cuz you’ll know when to watch and when to give space. Restuarants still cause me grief, but I try to hide it. When the kids are really acting out, I leave. No point in ruining others meals. But if they are just fussing for no real reason…I eat, and try to pacify. Hope you get something out of this rambling!