Who do I write for? It’s all about me
I go back and forth in my head about what types of things to write about here in my blog. For years I kept a very open and interesting (if I may say so myself) blog on Live Journal and gave my friends a whole lot of myself to read as well as kept track of my experiences and growth. But with the pregnancy I decided to put myself “out there” even more so that friends and family could keep up with the pregnancy and the life of the boys. A friend recently commented that she enjoys reading about the boys but wants to hear about me too. I really haven’t written much about me here. I intended to but often think about who is reading and if I should get personal. And if so how personal. I’ve been really wanting to talk more about me and make this blog more like my old journal. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts and it often would help me to throw things out there and then read them again years later. It’s easy to forget our mindset while in the midst of major situations and transitions.
This entry will be the beginning of a more personal blog. That could mean that some people learn more about me and others learn more then they want to know. Such as it is.
This past Thursday was momentous because Dusty and I went to the court house and had our divorce made official. We met in the fall of 1998 and started dating in January of 1999. It was a magical time for me as I found someone who really felt like a “soul mate.” We made so many wonderful memories over the years and were married on September 22, 2001. Yes, just 10 days after the Sept 11 attacks. We bought a house together and started making plans to have a family. But we also discovered that the differences we had always worked hard to deal with were not as easy to work around as we had thought they might be. Differences in our every day life as well as our moral beliefs. Differences in the general way that we wanted to live our lives. After two years of trying to make it work, we made the decision to separate in early April 2006, just a week after relocating to Austin. Of course it was only a matter of weeks until we discovered that we had become pregnant, with twins! But the decision stuck because we wanted to be good to these two little people and that meant staying friends instead of continuing the downward spiral of arguments and mis-communications. I have always said that Dusty “allowed me to be more me then I ever had been.” Being with him helped me to understand myself better and learn who I was and what I wanted from life.
I am blessed to have Brad in my life. He had been a friend for about 6 years and our move into a relationship was natural. For years we had enjoyed such great communication and really shared the same ideas about spirituality and personal growth. He took care of me through the pregnancy and was my shoulder to cry on as Dusty and I waded the murky waters of splitting up. He was excited to be a father to the twins and willing to work through all of the future unknowns. Dusty had a lot of uncertainty but he knew Brad and respected him and the three of us began to build a foundation for our future communications in order to be co-parents for these two boys. I told my parents that Brad and I “made sense” and when they saw us together they understood. My father has said that Brad is either a saint or crazy; any one who knows him would say a little bit of both. We love to sing together and laugh a lot. We work hard to communicate in difficult times. We’ve made it through the first 10 months of twin babies and feel like after that we can handle anything.
Both Brad and Dusty have done what a lot of people could not have. They have loved me for all of my faults and weaknesses. They have loved Forest and Logan through all the uncertainty and potential craziness. They work hard to be good friends and providers for me and the boys. And they’ve respected each other and work to keep the lines of communication open and honest.
Dusty, Brad and I have a unique child support arrangement. We have opted not to use the state’s recommendation of an income based system and instead are using a cost share model. Basically, instead of Dusty paying based on his income, we factor the actual cost of taking care of the boys along with things like taxes, etc. We feel that it is a more fair system in our situation. If I was a single mom it would probably be a very different story, but with ours being such a unique arrangement, it makes the most sense. I was really worried going into the court on Thursday that we might get a conservative judge who would not understand or support our decision. We were doing the divorce pro se to save money since we were in total agreement about everything so we didn’t have a lawyer to explain things for us. But the Universe really does provide and the judge smiled when we explained we were using cost share and let us know that not only is she familiar with it but she is in support of people who are on good terms using different economic models. Dusty and I were both so relieved when we left the court room. We weren’t going to have any additional costs and things were finally settled.
Brad is also divorced so neither of us has a traditional sense about marriage any longer. However since I am not working I no longer have health care so we are going to get married as quickly as possible. We’ve already exchanged private vows and feel as married as two people can be, knowing that Spirit knows our hearts. But the law of the land is unto itself.
And there you have it, some insight into the life of this Mom of twin boys that has nothing and yet everything to do with them. Expect more of the same in the coming posts.
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