It’s Momentous
This is a tough week for me. Brad left at 4 AM Saturday morning and won’t be back until about 10 PM this coming Sunday, so 9 days alone with the boys. He’s off to New Mexico for another installment of his Shamanic Studies program. I love that he’s doing this but BAH! Alone with two 7.5 month olds isn’t a ball of fun. Dusty comes by every day at lunch and in the evenings and has been a TON of help. But I’m used to having weekends to recharge and last weekend I didn’t have that and was instead on continued double duty. I’m making a point to get out of the house every time it’s not raining, which can mean up to three outings a day. It makes a difference, believe me. On Saturday Dusty and I took the boys to the Austin Kids Museum which even had a special baby area and the boys loved it (I highly recommend it for you Austin folks). Sunday a visit to Wendy’s in the late afternoon got us through the fussiest part of the day. This coming Saturday Dusty is going to take the boys for over 24 hours. His first time having them for that long and it’s going to be a HUGE break for me. I’ll be totally alone with no obligations for over 24 hours. WOW!
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| Kewl Babies |
I have my moments of feeling completely psychotic but just now…
I took the boys up to the mall to get out and walk around. Instead of using the car seat click-able stroller, I took the duo-glider and actually put the boys in a real stroller. I’ve been taking them out in it for the neighborhood walks, but this was their first “public” outing in it. They loved it. And immediately showed their appreciation by felling asleep on the car ride home (this is unusual for Logan). And in those moments of taking sleeping babies gently into my arms, feeling their breath against my neck as I carried them to bed for their naps, it wasn’t so tough anymore.
Let’s face it, being a stay at home mom of twins can suck. I have been afraid to say a lot of the things that I have been feeling about all of this but maybe it’s time for me to be honest so that someone else won’t feel so bad for how they feel. The past 7 months have been the hardest of my life. Granted, I’ve had an easy life compared to many. So yeah, for me, being the mom of twins has been 80% suck and 20% awesome. But that awesome is SO AWESOME it is hard to quantify it that way. So maybe even trying to put these feelings into words is impossible.
As I stood peering into the window of the backseat and watched their sleeping faces my eyes welled up with tears.
I thought, “why am I crying?” Some weird biological reaction? Something chemical? Probably. But what separates us from the animals is our ability to give that chemical, biological reaction meaning. The feeling that I was looking at two little angels. Two little boys who were tuckered out after learning so much in just a few hours in attempts to crawl and walk and talk and figure things out. Two little beings who once lived inside of me, who grew inside of me and are now going to spend the rest of their lives getting away from me.
This quote by Elizabeth Stone sums it up for me, “Making the decision to have a child- it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”
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Hi, I just stumbled on your site…
I want to assure you that IT DOES GET BETTER! My first two children were singles, and then came the twins. I thank God for that, because I would have gone absolutely insane if I had twins first! By the time I had them, parenting was “old hat”; in other words, I knew I could let them cry and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I wasn’t in a panic to sterilize everything - - yes, by the time they came along, a wayward binky would get wiped off on my pantleg and popped back into the mouth! But honestly, I know what you mean about the “80% suck and 20% awesome”, and after the first year, I looked back and wondered how the hell we did it! Two of everything: baths, diapers, feedings…it is all work and very little fun. But very soon, they are going to really start needing you less, and playing together more, and that is the neat part of the twin situation. With a singleton, they still need you to be their playmate for a while, but the twins don’t (although it is a double-edged sword - - sometimes they don’t need you as much as you want them to!).
Be warned though, that they do tend to get into more trouble as toddlers - - four hands are much more destructive than two! Contents of dressers and refrigerators don’t stand a chance!
Keep on keepin’ on!